squash godfather is here to help

The squash godfather,
Offers the following services to give you that little edge against that troublesome opponent
Are you tired of losing to the same team of smart arses year in and year out?
Are you tired of always losing 3-0 to that wanker of a squash friend of yours with his flukey shots and dopey grin?
Arent you tired of always losing to someone better than you?
Let the squash godfather even up for your lack of talent and ability...... That's right, for a small fee the squash godfather can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, that person or persons who are blocking your path to squash success.
Check out the squash godfathers 2011/2012 price list:

Blow to the knee............................. $99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy)............ $149.95
Blow to the head............................. $124.95
Knife in the back ( friends of squash godfather only)...... $49.95
Kick in the groin (male squash players only)....... $9.95
Poking out one eye........................... $49.95
Poking out both eyes (three stooges style)... $79.95
Gun shot to the knee......................... $199.95
Gun shot to both knees....................... $299.95
Impalement in a public place................. $999.95

Prices subject to change without notice
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Remember, wednesdays are bonus days, order one act of violence and receive another of equal or lesser value at 50% off! With every order over $300.00 you automatically receive a reinforced steel squash racquet personally signed by the squash godfather.