squash godfather is here to help

The squash godfather,
Offers the following services to give you that little edge against that troublesome opponent
Are you tired of losing to the same team of smart arses year in and year out?
Are you tired of always losing 3-0 to that wanker of a squash friend of yours with his flukey shots and dopey grin?
Arent you tired of always losing to someone better than you?
Let the squash godfather even up for your lack of talent and ability...... That's right, for a small fee the squash godfather can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, that person or persons who are blocking your path to squash success.
Check out the squash godfathers 2011/2012 price list:

Blow to the knee............................. $99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy)............ $149.95
Blow to the head............................. $124.95
Knife in the back ( friends of squash godfather only)...... $49.95
Kick in the groin (male squash players only)....... $9.95
Poking out one eye........................... $49.95
Poking out both eyes (three stooges style)... $79.95
Gun shot to the knee......................... $199.95
Gun shot to both knees....................... $299.95
Impalement in a public place................. $999.95

Prices subject to change without notice
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Remember, wednesdays are bonus days, order one act of violence and receive another of equal or lesser value at 50% off! With every order over $300.00 you automatically receive a reinforced steel squash racquet personally signed by the squash godfather.

squash godfather feels sorry for this tossers girlfriend !!

squash godfather = chuck norris # 10

squash godfathers forehand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Squash godfather says "smack him you little pussy"

This dick head would be swimming with the fishes if he tried this with the squash godfather...what a turkey

squash godfather and Egyptians V boring others

American/Aussie squash, length, length, crosscourt, length, length, length, length x10. And......... a crappy boast borinf as bat shit. Egyptian/squash godfather squash, nick, nick, nick, nick, dive, dive ,dive, length, crosscourt, nick, dive, nick.Notice a difference, thats why the Egyptians/squash godfather dominate the sport.

squash godfather = chuck norris #9

The squash godfather was the person who took the bite from the Apple logo....chew on that steve jobs!

squash godfather likes this dickheads racquet skills

Head Cyano2 115 Squash Racquet
Features:YouTek™ technology.HEAD Innegra™ hybrid-composite structureIt is the perfect racquet for the ambitious player and offers perfect power on every stroke. HEADSIZE: 500 sq. cm. WEIGHT: 115 grams BALANCE (unstrung): 365 mm BEAM: 20 mmCOMPOSITION: Head YouTek™ (d30™ / Innegra™ / Teflon )STRING PATTERN: 12/17

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squash godfather aknowledges a good streak

Boston, MA – The Trinity College Bantams defeated Yale 5-4 to win their thirteenth consecutive national title at Harvard’s Murr Center. Chris Binnie’s 3-1 win over Richard Dodd clinched the win for the Bantams.
Thanks to a fresh coat of snow overnight, the Harvard campus was the picture of a classic New England winter morning, the perfect backdrop for a showdown of two storied squash programs.
Coming into this afternoon’s match, the Trinity men, who are coached by Paul Assaiante, were ranked number 1 in the nation and had a 19-0 record. The Bantams were twelve-time defending national champions riding a 243-match winning streak, the longest in the history of varsity intercollegiate sports in the United States.
The Yale Bulldogs, coached by Dave Talbott are the 2011 Ivy League champions, and the number 2 seed in the tournament with a 15-1 record coming into the match.
The Bulldogs’ sole loss in the regular season was to Trinity in Hartford in January. Yale came into that match seeking to avenge a loss to Trinity at home in last year’s national team final. That match, which Trinity won 6-3, was overshadowed by an incident of poor sportsmanship that received national attention


The matches on the glass exhibition court finished first, as Trinity’s Parth Sharma and Vikram Malhotra both won their matches. At #8 Robbie Berner won for Yale, and then Johan Detter won at #7 for Trinity.
The match hinged upon the action on court #5. John Roberts of Yale looked to win at number 5, but Randy Lim came back to take the match to five games. Roberts pulled out a win in the final points of an epic contest. With Roberts’ win, the score was tied 4-4.
In the deciding match, Binnie won the first game with a strong performance, though Dodd kept the score very tight. The second game was equally close, but Binnie pulled out another win thanks in part to some stunning volleys. Dodd battled back, making some remarkable gets, and won the third game, taking it to a fourth game. Binnie started to run up the score, and though Dodd looked like he was closing in on the Trinity senior, it wasn’t enough. Binnie won, and after he and Dodd shook hands, the Bantams rushed the court.
Trinity’s winning streak now stands at 244 matches and thirteen consecutive national titles. WOW thats pretty bloody good....2nd best winning streak the squash godfather knows!!

squash godfather = chuck norris #8

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for the squash godfather to die before they attack.

squash godfather says "it aint over till he's dead"

A match ain't over till your shaking your opponents hand, (hopefully while he is lying on the ground begging for mercy). Always expect another shot from them, unless they are totally gutless, they will always have one desperate last gasp rally left in them!! After you have your opponent by the curlies, resist the temptation to go for the winning shot too early, just keep going at the same intensity until your opponent finally cracks.
There are no greater words I like to hear on a squash court, than "please squash godfather finish me off"

squash godfathers pet hate

the squashgodfathers pet hate, his most hated of all hates, is when he is on his way to another certain victory, only to injure himself and has to concede what would have been a certain victory.
Unfortunately this was the case today, a very, very lucky speedythatsme was on the receiving end of yet another squash godfather thrashing, only to claim victory when the squash godfather had to stop with a torn calf.
The last time speedythatsme injured himself he ended up in hospital, the squash godfather simply just sucked up the pain in silent suffering

squash godfathers weapon of choice

HEAD XENON 135


YouTek™ combines superior technologies to perfectly match your individual needs. Whether your game is aggressive and adventurous or consistent and smooth, YouTek™ enhances your performance and brings out the best in you.
Smart material d3o™ adapts to anything and amplifies everything. Powerful shots become more explosive and touch shots even more accurate. So no matter what kind of player you challenge, you can take on anybody — anytime.


Corrugated Technology - CT
A revolutionary shaft deign that optimizes power. Corrugates rails are incorporated into the shaft of the racquet creating up to 12% more stiffness than a conventional racquet design. This provides superior torsion, blending and handling for optimum power in every single shot.

HEADSIZE: 460 sq. cm.

WEIGHT: 135 grams

BALANCE (unstrung): 370 mm

BEAM: 20 mm

COMPOSITION: Head YouTek™ (d30™ / CT Technology / Teflon )

STRING PATTERN: 14/16

Check out squashracquetsforsale.com........they have this pretty cheap

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squash godfathers tips to be as good as he..nearly

Build a network of partners by joining a league, ladder or club• It helps to have a lot of squash friends, so you have opponents who play with different styles. Also, joining a club, league or ladder is a good way to commit yourself to regularly-scheduled play.The other benefit is that you may score a bit off the court, and with some of the heads my squash partners have, any help they can get is a bonus!!

squash godfather knows all

Jahangir Khan's 555 match winning streak, is the longest streak in squash history.
Today a 10 match streak is considered brilliant.

Damn you speedythatsme, knocked the squashgodfather off on 554....Bastard!!

squash godfather = chuck norris #7

chuck norris's round house kick = squash godfathers overhead forehand cross court smash nick, but not as dangerous

squash godfather says "you break my glass I break your face!"

squash godfather = chuck norris #6

squash godfather can touch MC Hammer.

squash godfather often graces this squash center

check out this squash joint its  pretty bloody good: mullaloo squash

squash godfathers latest victim......poor Davo



Unfortunatley, this is what happens when you get in the firing line of one of the squash godfathers killer drop shots. If it had of been one of my drives it would have shattered the bone!!

squash godfather = chuck norris #5

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? the squash godfather

squash godfathers tips in choosing cement boots

Squash courts require that players wear clean, non-marking shoes. Dirty shoes or shoes with soles that leave marks can damage the court (and damaging the squash godfathers courts leads to a pair of cement boots!!) or cause an uneven surface that can lead to injuries. The squash godfather recommends wearing shoes designed for indoor courts. These shoes usually have soles made of gum rubber, which is gentle on courts but firm enough to provide good traction for playing. # Try on several brands of squash shoes before buying. Some brands may have different features or designs that fit your foot better than others. i.e wider, for those hackers with fat feet. # Try on shoes when you have been walking for a while. When you play, your feet swell due to increased blood flow to the area, your feet that is, not your groin, so you need to make sure that any squash shoes you buy have room for your feet to swell a little. By trying on shoes when your feet are already a little swollen, you'll know what shoes feel best. # Test out the shoes by moving around as you do when playing. Make sure that the shoes are stable when moving from side to side so that you don't slip inside the shoe. # Make sure that the shoes you buy are long enough that your foot can move a little from heel to toe. When you play, your foot needs room to move around in the footbed. Too-short shoes will keep your toes forced into the toe box or cause you to hit the end of the toebox with your toes when you move, and this can lead to bruising and the loss of toenails, another way to lose your toe nails is to damage the squash godfathers courts!! .

squash godfather = chuck norris # 4

The squash godfather once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain ,the back tire and the seat.

Squash godfathers tips on bad habits

Undoing Bad Habits...not the nun's variety !!! Let's face it, most of YOU have a few bad habits on the squash court you would like to get rid of. Some people are lazy, not getting back to the T. Others continually hit the ball off the wrong foot or into the tin. Some players may have been playing squash for many years, and rather than take the time to learn the correct technique, they cling to their bad habits, and never make it past the C level.(sounds like most of the squash godfathers opponents)! There is only one way to break bad habits. First you have to consciously learn what you are doing wrong - and then how to do it right. (You may have to ask a pro like the squash godfather for help here.) Then you must drill the correct technique into your head. The key to doing this is just bloody well do it. If after many attempts at trying to break yourself of these bad habits, you find you are still doing them, then you must be pretty bloody thick, and should contemplate giving up!! Squash godfather believes in very tough love.

squash godfather = chuck norris #3

squash godfather counted to infinity - twice

squash godfather advises that these racquets are cheap at squashracquetsforsale.com

squash godfather=chuck norris #2

squash godfather does not sleep. He waits

no one pushes the squash godfather

squash godfather = chuck norris #1

squash godfathers tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried, only his opponents cry!!

squash godfather says........Bloody tennis players

A badminton player, a squash player and a tennis player decided to stay at a country inn, but when they arrived there, the innkeeper told them he only had 2 beds free, one of them would have to sleep in the barn. "That's OK", said the badminton payer, "I`ll sleep in the barn." So off he went. A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see the badminton player who explained that he was unable to sleep in the barn as there was a pig in there, and he could not sleep with a pig. "That's OK," said the squash player., "I`ll sleep there." So off he went. A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see the squash player there, who explained that he was unable to sleep in the barn as there was a cow in there, and he could not sleep with a cow. "That's OK," said the tennis player, "I`ll sleep there." So off he went. A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see the cow and a pig standing there.....

squash godfathers tournie info

Presidents cup in perth 17-18 Sept, Terrace squash Center. open to all young hackers and includes under 23 division. Squash Godfather suggests all junior hackers enter.

If only this bastard could hit straight

I have had a quick look at squashracquetsforsale.com,  there are some pretty good deals to be had, he is not fancy, but pretty cheap...like someone else I know!!!

This is what happened to my opponent after 2 hard rallies against the squash godfather

Squash godfathers Friday funny.......confuscious says, travelling squash pro who walks through airport turnstyle sideways is going to bangcock.

whats the deal with WA Squash dropping its web site??? We are going back in time not having our own State website....lets rebel.

Congrats to Rachel for putting up her hand ..and $500 to host the Sept 20 round of the PSL. Its good to see at least 1 other court has the guts to support her players competing in the States blu ribbon competition, the Premier Squash League.